14 Most American Things to Do on the Fourth: Care of Nick Offerman and GQ

November 20, 2012 1 min read

American things to do on 4th of July Nick Offerman

American Things to Do on the Fourth of July

1.  Shoot your own dinner entrees.

2.  Drink American beer while it's fresh.

3.  Carry a sidearm into church.

4.  Shave your pubes into the shape of an American Eagle.

5.  Drive an appropriately sized truck.

6.  Urinate in North Dakota.

7.  Carry a sidearm into an antique furniture store.

8.  Learn about the Bible in science class.

9.  Gape at the majesty of California's giant redwoods while watching Ax Men on an iPad.

10. Go an entire week eating nothing but corn-syrup-based comestibles.

11. Stand at the northern border and pass gas into Canada.

12. Catch a largemouth bass, release it, then drive to McDonald's in a Hummer and step up to a delicious McRib.

13. After that delicious McRib, hum "I'm Lovin' It" while carrying a firearm into a Buddhist temple.

14. Become obese, then immobile, and get famous for it.

Read about some more American things you can do on the 4th of July here.

steve watts
steve watts

Growing up in South Africa, Steve spent his youth dreaming of far off places. After spending eight years extensively traveling to many of the great surf destinations of the world getting dengue fever, having a near death experience from a falling coconut in mexico, Surviving a 15 foot drop on a handboard on a Nias bomb, jumping from every rock he could find without adequate health insurance. and comprehensively debunking the myth there are no waves in Thailand, even if they are small. He decided it was time for a a degree. Steve Graduated from Central Saint Martins School of Art and Design in London with a degree in product design. He missed his graduation to go surfing in Californian, found a kindred spirit with Venice and never left

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